Top Five Ways To Piss Me Off

Ok, so I'm normally not an angry person, but damn if there aren't some things that just irk the shit out of me. So today (after getting pissed off at a coworker) I've decided to do my Top Five Ways To Piss Me Off.

1) Not Listening To Me When I'm Talking
This is something that freaking drives me up the damn wall!!! I know that sometimes it seems that I may be talking just to hear myself talk, but I don't think I do that too often. (Yeah, bring on the smart ass comments.)

2) Talking Over Me
This is just as bad as not listening to me when I talk. It makes me feel like my opinion isn't good enough for you to hear. Maybe next time I'll pull a guy move and stare off into space while you're telling me about your latest endeavor to find the ultimate whatever. (P.S. I know that not all guys stare off into space when you talk to them, but start up a conversation about Sex and the City and I guarantee they will zone out in 5 minutes.)

3) Going Through My Desk
Here's the thing. I have a bit of OCD. When it comes to my home, I'm not that bad. When it comes to my desk please keep your hands off! Not that I keep anything important in there. It's just damn it I have everything very organized. When my boss comes up to me and asks for a certain file I want to be able to grab it that second and hand it to them. (That helps keep me organized, but also gets them away from my desk faster.) Here's an example of me getting pissed about people touching my desk. Yesterday I walked into work. The boss was going through the maintenance work orders. Now we aren't just talking about going through, but we're talking about that shit was scattered all over my desk! Then she says these look complete. Where are the other ones? I'm thinking well if you'd keep your stank hand off my stuff and wait until I came in, then you wouldn't have a problem would you? Instead I spent the next 45 minutes getting all the papers back into order. Not a great way to start my day.

4) Stealing My Pens
I keep two pens on my desk. One for me and one for everyone else. Ok, so I chew on my pens. I'll admit it. I get bored, and well it's my thing. Nothing annoys me more than coming back from lunch only to have both of my pens missing. It's cool if you borrow it, but bring it back. Ok and secretly when my pens end up missing I laugh to myself knowing that person has a spit pen. Gross I know, but strangely satisfying.

5) Being a Memphis Driver
I'm pretty sure I don't need to elaborate on this one, but for anyone that's not a Memphis driver I'll give you the scoop. Memphis drivers are retarded. They cut you off during rush hour then give you the finger when you honk at them for being dumb asses. Pulling in front of you and then slowing down. And god forbid one drop of rain or snowflake falls. That's when all hell breaks loose in this city. People talk about drivers in New York and L A, but I wonder if they've ever drove in this town. And for the record yes I may live and drive in Memphis, but I don't make some of these dumb ass mistakes. Oh and here's a story from this past winter to prove how stupid these people really are in this town. So we had what Memphis would consider a pretty good snow mixed in with some ice, and one day I decided the cabin fever was too much to take. After busting ass and sliding down the stairs at my apartment complex, I get to my car only to start the scraping off process. Like a good girl I turn on the defrost and start chipping away. Well one of my neighbors decided to get out and about as well. Well instead of doing what I did this chick (Yes, chick. Apparently her male role models taught her nothing) decides to get hot water from her apartment to get the snow off. Now I'm thinking I could be a good person and tell her that if she keeps that up she will bust her windshield, but then something stopped me. That evil little voice in my head said "If you tell her, then she'll never learn." Lucky for her nothing happened, but you never know what this winter will bring.

So yes, these are just a few ways to piss me off. I think I'll call these The Top Five to Keep You Alive. Don't commit these and you'll be golden.