Don't touch me there you're not my real mother!

That is a direct quote from my friend Jason. Perhaps one of the funniest things I've ever heard come out of my friend's mouth (next to his bad jokes that are just too bad to post). Let me set up the evening. A group of us were out drinking and one of my dear friends, well she likes to talk. A lot. And she's one of the smartest people I know, but damn if that girl doesn't talk! (But I'll always love her for it.) So this one night we had all been drinking (a lot), and my friend was talking about who knows what. Well Jason had decided that she had talked more than enough, so in typical Jason style decides to yell out "Don't touch me there you're not my real mother! And NO! I will not make out with you!" Much to her horror, the entire bar heard this, stopped, and turned to look at her. Needless to say it was one of the funniest moments (out of a million or so. Remind me to one day tell about Boobie skipping across the bar) ever that was spent at Tracks.

Why do I bring up this story? Well there is a resident that every time I see him likes to touch me. Don't get me wrong I'm cool with hugs and such, but the creepy rubbing of the arm while telling me about the resident that used to be your lover is WAY too creepy for comfort. Looking at my boobs and saying "Wow! you sure look pretty today" is totally gross.

But what is worse than that?? A young drunk guy that you don't even know stumbling over to your table while you're trying to chill with your friends. I mean if you want to talk to me that's cool. Just make sure you do it earlier in the night when I know what the hell you're saying. Also saying shut up when I say what isn't going to score you any points what so ever. Oh and rubbing on my leg when I clearly don't want you to doesn't work for me.

Hey every girl likes a little confidence boot every now and then, but lets think about this one boys. How would you like having a random slobbering drunk girl come up to you, stare at your crotch the whole time and rub on your leg? Okay, I realize the not so respectable guys that just want to get laid would appreciate that, but come on fellas!! We're ladies!! Would you want someone talking to your mom, sister, or friends like that? It's moments like this when some random gross guy is rubbing on me that I want to scream out those wonderful words of Jason, "Don't touch me there you're not my real mother." I bet I could get a bar pretty quiet with those words. To any brave guys out there. If you feel like testing to see how quickly we can quiet a bar, call me... On a total side note. Texting "Wanna fuck" is never acceptable either. I'm just saying....